i am..

an insomniac.

it's 12:53am and I'm awake. Wide awake.

I initially blame it on a past relationship with someone who lived in another country and at the time a normal person should go to sleep was the time when he was waking up...so I would stay up. And that led to many sleepless nights or just a few hours of sleep. Now, it just seems that when I have a lot on my mind I can't sleep. I toss and turn and nothing seems to shut my mind off. I try to turn on some soothing music, but that can sometimes wake me up even more, as I try to concentrate on the song and my mind wanders into memories of how that song makes me feel.

In the middle of the night, I'll go outside and listen to the stillness of the city. There is no sound...and in a big city, that's rare. It's a soothing feeling to think that while everyone is asleep, you're awake and you are enjoying the city at night all by yourself. It's your own.